


Feelings? I don't know her.

by DeadInsideBTS



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: College, Humor, Jihoon is a panicked gay, M/M, Seungcheol's an idiot but a good idiot, Slow Burn, sexual identity confusion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-07-02 01:37:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15786300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadInsideBTS/pseuds/DeadInsideBTS
Summary: Jihoon is a music production major who has decided feelings just aren't his thing.Soonyoung is a dance major who has an over abundance of feelings and takes an immediate liking to the short, grumpy music production major.





	1. A Minor Crisis

Jihoon’s got a headache. Again. Except this one has more to do with his own stupid thoughts than staring at a computer screen all day working on music. He's been hiding out at his(not technically) studio in the music department all day, attempting to deal with his crisis. The crisis? He may or may not have a weird not-crush on someone. But, hey, it's no big deal because he hardly knows the guy. Doesn't even know his name, actually. The real problem is that Jihoon just happened to catch sight of a dance major practicing and he found himself nearly fainting and his heart rate increasing.

Actually, maybe that's not the problem. The problem is that Jihoon never knew he was into guys. In fact, he never knew was capable of being into anyone. As far as Jihoon understood, he'd always identified somewhere along the lines of asexual or aromantic. Generally speaking, the entire topic of Jihoon’s sexual orientation was more or less a big question mark. So why did seeing that guy dancing have such any affect on him? He sat for hours-going on hour 9-with so many confused thoughts bouncing around his head. It took him so long to come out to his friends. How is he supposed to just take that back?

He heaves a long sigh, puffing his cheeks out with the force of it. His phone buzzes on the desk, not for the first time today. Rubbing at his temples he eventually decides to answer it.

“What,” he grumbles.

“Hi, Seungcheol. So nice of you to check on me, Seungcheol. You're too kind to me despite the fact that I'm a total hermit, Seungcheol” his friend mocks. Jihoon just rolls his eyes.

“Hello, Seungcheol,” he says with zero patience, “what do you want from me.”

“Dude, I've called you and texted you about twenty times today. I know you have a habit of doing that, but it still worries me,” Seungcheol chastise him.

Jihoon sighs again for probably the thousandth time today, but this time it's more out of exhaustion than frustration.

“Sorry. I've been at the studio all day,” he tells his best friend.

“I thought you just finished that project,” his friend sounds genuinely confused, like he's mentally backtracking to previous conversations about the project.

“Yeah, I did. I just had a lot on my mind,” he pinches the space between his eyes. He hasn't had anything other than a cup of stale coffee nearly ten hours ago.

“Oh...you wanna talk about it?” Seungcheol sounds ready to listen, which makes Jihoon feel guilty when he says,

“Not really. My thoughts are still a bit scattered,” he winces. Understatement of the year.

“That's fine. Anytime you wanna talk, I'm here. Anyway, come get dinner with me. Shua bailed on me last minute because of a ‘cold’” his friend says sarcastically. How Jihoon can hear the quotes around cold, he has no idea, but he knows they're there.

He smiles, “you are ridiculous, Choi Seungcheol. You're boyfriend is sick and you're being petty about it because it was supposed to be your date night.”

“Okay. You make a good point, but get this, I brought him soup for lunch.”

“...and?”

“And he laughed. I was talking to him and he laughed. Sick people can't laugh, Jihoon!”

Jihoon questions their friendship.

“Seungcheol. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you're an absolute fucking dingo,” Jihoon deadpans.

“Dingo,” Seungcheol hums, “that's a new one. I like it. Good job.”

Jihoon face palms. “So dinner?” He asks.

“Right. I'll pick you up from your studio in 10,” and with that the call ends.

Jihoon decides now is probably a good time to go to the bathroom and make himself look at least somewhat human, get rid of the whole ‘hasn't seen the light of day in years’ aesthetic he's currently got going on.

They end up at some cheap takeout place, choosing to bring food back to Seungcheol’s apartment and chill. As they sit on a couch that's falling apart, with some sketchy and unidentifiable stains, they stuff their faces with greasy food. Jihoon thinks about his newfound crisis. It doesn't make sense to him. He's never had a reaction to anyone quite like he did earlier today. Not even back when he first met Seungcheol. Seungcheol had moved to Jihoon’s school in freshman year of high school. Seungcheol was openly bisexual and flirted with anything that breathes. Everyone loved him. He was too devastatingly handsome and outgoing to not love him. Jihoon's convinced he could've murdered the principal and gotten an affectionate head pat from the superintendent.

Instead, Seungcheol flirted mercilessly with Jihoon. It was awkward and uncomfortable. It was an overall unpleasant experience, but Seungcheol thought Jihoon was just a Panicked Gay™ or something. He hasn't realized that the smaller boy was genuinely annoyed at his frankly obnoxious and close to harassment levels of shameless flirting. However, when Jihoon finally reached his limit he had exploded at Seungcheol. Telling him he wasn't interested, not in him or anybody else.

Seungcheol immediately shut up, then his entire face turned red in embarrassment and Jihoon couldn't help his laughter at seeing the others reaction. Soon enough Seungcheol had awkwardly joined in the laughter. Afterwards, they shared a Red Bull in the parking lot and Seungcheol apologized in earnest. Seungcheol understood, and he was okay with it. They've been best friends ever since. Nearly inseparable.

So Jihoon is even more confused now. If he isn't ace, why didn't he ever like Seungcheol? Seungcheol is an anchor to Jihoon, and Jihoon knows Seungcheol is hot. He has eyes. Maybe he Jihoon just does like Seungcheol, he just doesn't know what emotions he's supposed to associate with liking someone. But Seungcheol has a boyfriend and Jihoon's never been jealous or felt betrayed. And Jihoon is definitely familiar with jealousy, it's not a hard feeling to misinterpret.

“-so what do you say? You in?” Seungcheol finally looks away from the tv, finding that Jihoon has been completely spaced out throughout his entire story. “Earth to Jihoon,” he waves a hand in front Jihoon’s glazed over eyes. Jihoon blinks a few times before turning to him.

“Hm?” He has no idea what Seungcheol just said to him. Seungcheol pulls a hand down his face, making a sound that vaguely reminds Jihoon of a baby hippo (even if he has no clue what baby hippo actually sounds like).

“I said that a friend of Shua’s invited us to a party tomorrow night. I was asking if you'd want to go with us,” Seungcheol recounts.

“No thanks.” Jihoon doesn't even think before answering.

“Actually, I was only asking to be polite. You're coming with us,” Seungcheol informs him matter of factly.

“Isn't your boyfriend sick? Don't you think that's kind of a problem if your planning on going to a party with him tomorrow?” Jihoon retaliates.

Seungcheol just waves his hand dismissively.  
“He'll be fine by tomorrow.”

Jihoon eyes him suspiciously before finally agreeing.

“Good. So, Shua’s friend is some guy name Vernon. The party is at Vernon’s friend, Jun’s, apartment. Shua wants us to meet their friends. All I've learned about them so far is that Vernon's boyfriend is named Seungkwan, I think you know him,” he pauses as Jihoon nods an affirmative, “Their two best friends are Seokmin, you might recognize him,” the name sounds vaguely familiar, “and some guy named Soonyoung.”

That last one means nothing to Jihoon. The other few, from what little Jihoon knows about them, seem nice enough. Maybe a little weird, but he'll take weird over being an asshole.

“Doesn't sound too bad,” he nods his head.

“Cool. Jeonghan and Minghao will be going to because apparently Minghao is on the same dance team as the guy, Jun.” Jihoon continues nodding, but stops at the mention of dance.

“Dance,” he mentions casually.

“Yeah…”Seungcheol looks at him, waiting to see where's he going with that.

“So the guy, the one throwing the party, is on a dance team?” He asks, aiming for nonchalance.

“Yeah. The school’s dance team. He's a dance major,” Seungcheol gives him a weird look.

Shit.

Okay, no need to freak out. Maybe the dancer guy from earlier isn't on Jun’s dance team. It's a big school, Jihoon's positive there's gotta be more than one dance team. Both dance majors though? That means nothing. Jihoon himself doesn't know all the music production majors, he doubts this Jun guy knows all the dance majors either. Plus, it'll probably be a big party, therefore his chances of seeing that dancer are low. Maybe the odds are in his favor.

 


	2. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Last I heard he was in the back teaching some kid how to do a backflip,” Jeonghan says, casual as ever. Jihoon raises an eyebrow.
> 
> “Well, okay then,” he takes a sip of his drink, choking at the bitter taste. Alcohol will never taste good to Jihoon, but that won't stop him from drinking it. Momma ain't raise no coward. He downs the rest of it, he'll need to be drunk to make it through the night.

The odds were not in Jihoon’s favor. He spots the dance major nearly as soon as he steps foot into the apartment. The boy in question stands in the kitchen, surrounded by people, some of which Jihoon recognizes. Of course, that's immediately where Joshua pulls him and Seungcheol.

“Let's go say hi to Vernon and thank him for inviting us. I think the one next to him is Jun. we should thank him for having us in his house,” Joshua says, moving them along.

Leave it to Joshua Hong to thank a college student for hosting them at a Friday night party where half the people here probably have no idea whose house this even is. They make it the kitchen after pushing through the sweaty mass of people dancing in the living room.

“Hey man,” Joshua greets Vernon. They do a weird bro-five that has Jihoon cringing. “This is my boyfriend, Seungcheol-”

“Whattup man,” they greet each other with another weird bro-five.

“-and this is our friend, Jihoon.”

Jihoon waves awkwardly.

“Ouch, third wheeling. Sorry bro,” Vernon greets him.

Jihoon definitely does not scowl at being called a third wheel. He turns his head, skin crawling as he feels himself being watched. It's the dancer. Jihoon’s head immediately whips back around to stare unblinkingly in front of himself as Joshua and Seungcheol become acquainted with their host, Jun.

“Jihoon!”

Someone calls his name from the living room. When he turns he finds Jeonghan sitting on a couch. Jihoon takes that as his out and keeps his head down as he leaves the kitchen, grabbing a cup of something on his way out. He sits down next to Jeonghan on the couch, squeezing himself next to his friend and a couple making out. He gags a little, but decidedly keeps his head in the opposite direction. His new spot in the living room is a safe distance from the dancer, and Jihoon finally begins to relax.

“So, where's your boyfriend?” He turns to Jeonghan.

“Last I heard he was in the back teaching some kid how to do a backflip,” Jeonghan says, casual as ever. Jihoon raises an eyebrow.

“Well, okay then,” he takes a sip of his drink, choking at the bitter taste. Alcohol will never taste good to Jihoon, but that won't stop him from drinking it. Momma ain't raise no coward. He downs the rest of it, he'll need to be drunk to make it through the night.

Jihoon gets drunk sooner and more than he expected. The last thing he remembers is sitting in the couch talking to Jeonghan about who would win in a fight: a hyperactive child with a blowtorch or an old lady with a baseball bat. He thinks they might have come to the conclusion that in the end tiger sharks would always win, whatever that means. Jihoon thinks that maybe at some point he won a dance off with some of Jun’s dance team friend, but that could've just been in his imagination.

Jihoon now sits in a bedroom with a bunch of his friends and some other guys he doesn't really recognize. They sit in a circle with an empty beer bottle in the middle. Jihoon comes to a revelation so earth-shattering he immediately has to share it. He looks around the room in a crazed panic.

“Seungcheol? SEUNGCHEOL?!?” He spots his friend, climbing over the people around him to plop himself down into Seungcheol’s lap. Joshua gives the drunken boy an amused and slightly worried look.

“What's wrong, Hoonie?” Seungcheol asks, a smile twisting his lips.

Jihoon should now then and there that's he too drunk to be allowed to speak in public, he only lets Seungcheol call him Hoonie when he's plastered.

“I just time-traveled back to middle school. I'm from the future, Seungcheol. That's the only explanation. Look,” he points to the bottle, “we’re playing spin the bottle,” he stage whispers.

There's laughing from around the room, some people look genuinely concerned for Jihoon.

“Is he legal?” Some asshole in the back yells out.

That person goes unanswered. Seungcheol gives him a goofy smile.

“Actually, we’re playing truth or dare,” he corrects Jihoon.

“Oh,” Jihoon’s face goes blank.

“And I didn't even know you in middle school,” Seungcheol points out helpfully.

“Oh yeah,” Jihoon nods his head, looking slightly puzzled with eyebrows knit together.

“So,” someone claps their hands, startling Jihoon, “who wants to go first,” it’s Seungkwan.

“I'll go,” some freshman calls out.

“It's all yours, kid,” Seungkwan gestures grandly to the dented bottle.

He spins, and they go through a couple rounds before Jihoon refocuses and realizes the bottle is now pointing at him.

“Huh?” He says, vision blurry. His head feels like it's underwater.

“I'll take this one,” a voice rumbles above him.

Jihoon startles, but then remembers that he's still sitting atop Seungcheol, Joshua tucked up against the both of them. They must make quite the vision.

“I'll take a dare,” Seungcheol says.

“Okay, I dare you to…” a boy Jihoon thinks he recognizes as Seokmin says dramatically, pausing for effect, “do a sexy dance.”

Seokmin giggles to himself like a little kid that just got away with stealing a lollipop from the dollar store. Seungcheol just nods his head, picking Jihoon up to prop him up against Joshua, who wraps his arms around the smaller boy and leans his head atop his.

Seungcheol stands as someone starts playing a ridiculously cheesy “sexy” song. He starts by slowly rolling his hips, it quickly escalates as people wolf whistle and scream. Joshua’s cackling because his doofhead of a boyfriend has these people freaking out. Jihoon just yawns and leans back into Joshua. The song ends and there's various shouts of protest around the room as Seungcheol returns to Jihoon and Joshua’s side.

The kid from earlier in the song looks at Seungcheol with stars in his eyes. “You have to teach me how to be sexy like that,” he begs the older.

Seungcheol gives him a gummy smile, Jihoon swears he can see his head inflating at the compliment.

“Sure thing, Chan,” Seungcheol responds.

Seungcheol reaches out to spin the bottle. It lands facing Jihoon again, but this time no one steps in to save him.

“Uhh...dare,” he looks up at Seungcheol with glazed eyes.

If Seungcheol wasn't tipsy himself, he might've taken pity on Jihoon and told him it's best if he just sat out on the game. But he is tipsy. So instead he adopts a smug look as he relays his dare with a dramatic backstory.

“Well, since some of you are only meeting Jihoon for the first time there's something you might not know about him,” he starts.

Jihoon panics for a bit, thinking his best friend is about to put him to these people. Of course, that doesn't happen.

Seungcheol continues. “He's actually an amazing dancer. But, he's a huge grump and super lazy, so he doesn't show off his skills often. So my date for Jihoon is to mirror Soonyoung’s dancing,” Seungcheol nods to someone-presumably Soonyoung- “if you'd be kind enough to help me out.”

Jihoon groans, rolling his head back and smacking it on the wall. He doesn't want to dance. His head feels like it's moving through molasses. Everything's slower and slightly left of where he sees them. He glares at Seungcheol as his best friend and his boyfriend push him onto his feet. When he makes it to the middle of the circle, head down, his eyes meet a pair of slightly muddy sneakers. Jihoon isn't sure why, but something about these sneakers seems vaguely familiar. It nags at the back of his mind, but when he can't quite place them he lifts his head and-

“Fuck”

The people around him laugh. Some “oooh” teasingly, mistaking his reaction. Or maybe they're not. Jihoon doesn't even know. He still can't think properly.

“Hello,” Soonyoung, the dance major, smiles at him.

“Can you even see like that?” Jihoon asks, his words sounding slurred and coming out a bit harsher than he'd like.

Thankfully, the boy just laughs at him. Jun starts playing music from his phone, Seungcheol helping him pick a song. The song is fast and Soonyoung starts moving without warning. Jihoon does his best to keep up and match him. Soonyoung’s moves are sharp and Jihoon can't feel most of his body, but he thinks he might be doing a good job.

The crowd around him holler and it hypes him up. Jihoon’s brain starts clearing and he focuses on the dance. He doesn't dance often, but he his sense of rhythm and beats are well-honed skills that he uses everyday for his music. Dancing and matching the beat is just a natural extension of that for Jihoon. Somewhere halfway through the song Jihoon begins to sober up. However, it isn't Jihoon is chest to chest with Soonyoung does he realize what's happening. The people, mostly his friends he knows notices, in the circle surrounding them are laughing their asses off. Soonyoung’s friends are whooping and yelling at him to “get it.”

Jihoon’s never felt embarrassed by things like this. He's used to it. It's never affected him. There was never a reason for it to affect him. Except for right now. The song has barely gotten to the last refrain of the chorus when Jihoon feels his heart pounding and the all-too-familiar feeling of anxiety hits him. His body twitches, missing a beat. He looks to Seungcheol and Joshua, a wild look in his eyes. Seungcheol’s face suddenly turns to confusion. He whispers something to Joshua before reaching for Jun’s phone against and stopping the song.

“Okay, that's enough torture. Dare completed,” Seungcheol bellows, a slightly out of place looking smile on his face.

Jihoon stumbles back to his friends and plops himself down, missing Soonyoung’s confused and slightly hurt face.

“Are you okay, Jihoon,” Joshua prods quietly.

Jihoon thinks for a moment about how he wants to respond. He isn't exactly sure what's going on in his head right now, but he no longer wants to be in this room.

“I-I think I drank too much. I don't feel so good,” Jihoon doesn't meet his eyes. He glances around the room, finally able to make out faces. He sees that Jeonghan and Minghao have been here the whole time as well. Wonwoo is there too, which surprises Jihoon because he didn't think they had any mutual friends. He’s with another boy Jihoon doesn't recognize, but figures is his connection to Jun.

Seungcheol leans into their space. “Do you want me to walk you home?” He asks, his forehead wrinkling in concern.

Jihoon just shakes his head. “I'll be fine. I just-I gotta go.” He separates himself from the tangle of his friends, standing up. The change makes his head hurt; it makes him feel slightly less guilty, like he didn't just completely lie to his best friends. It's not like he could tell them the truth. They wouldn't understand, they're too drunk to remember later, and Jihoon doesn't have a proper explanation anyway.

Jihoon pushes through the gyrating bodies still occupying the living room. The couple making out on the couch earlier has since vacated and a new couple has taken their spot. He makes it a few feet out the front door when he hears it open again.

“Hey! Wait!”

The voice is unfamiliar, but when Jihoon turns around the face is definitely one he knows. Jihoon winces and considers bolting down the sidewalk, but that's not exactly subtle. Instead he just stands there, looking a deer caught in headlights.

“Is everything okay?” Soonyoung asks as he approaches Jihoon, hands held up like he's approaching a scared animal.

“I…”Jihoon blinks a few times, “I'm leaving.” Well, duh. He nearly smacks himself in the face. Way to go, Captain Obvious.

But Soonyoung just smiles at him, looking a bit sheepish. “It's not because of me, right?”

Shit.

He continues. “Like, I didn't do anything to make you uncomfortable earlier, right? Because if I did I'm really sorry.”

And he looks sincere. Likes he really is sorry, even though they both know he really has no reason to be. Or at least, Jihoon knows there's no reason for him to apologize. It's not his fault Jihoon is having a major minor crisis.

So he tells him, “It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. I just had too much to drink earlier and need to get back to my apartment before I make myself look like an even bigger idiot than I just did.” He goes for casual, while trying to slowly move away. Soonyoung clearly doesn't get the message. He beams at Jihoon, his eyes nearly closing.

“Great. I'll walk you back,” he says. “My apartment’s in the same direction,” he adds when Jihoon gives him a suspicious look.

“You know where I live?” Jihoon says, sounding a bit accusatory.

“Yeah. I've seen you around a few times. You never noticed me?” He pouts teasingly at Jihoon, who scowls despite his heart pounding.

“Sorry. I usually keep to myself,” he says defensively.

“I've noticed,” Soonyoung smirks.

This isn't fair, Jihoon thinks. None of this is fair. Why does Soonyoung get to suddenly pop into his life and mess up everything Jihoon thought he knew about himself? Why does this boy insist on being so friendly despite Jihoon’s less-than-charming attitude? And why does Jihoon’s heart beat nervously every time he says something prickly and then beat harder when Soonyoung responds nicely anyway?

  
Soonyoung talks Jihoon’s ear off the rest of the way. He never pushes Jihoon to talk, which Jihoon appreciates. He's still too drunk and confused to properly hold a conversation. Jihoon decidedly keeps his gaze forward, not allowing himself to look at the boy next to him. He doesn't trust himself right now, too scared of how it will affect him and further muddle his anxious thoughts.

He does-however-pay close attention to the way Soonyoung’s voice sounds. How it wraps around certain words, how it lilts and flows even though he's slightly slurring them. Jihoon wonders what this boy sounds like singing, which is always a thought Jihoon has when he meets people with pleasant voices. It's natural for him, comes with the territory of producing music and listening to people sing constantly. He barely notices the actual words being spoken.

“Well, this is where we part ways,” Soonyoung announces, pulling Jihoon’s focus back.

Jihoon looks around, blinking at his surroundings. He didn't realize they'd walked so far already. He finally looks up at Soonyoung to find the other smiling politely at him.

“Yeah,” Jihoon nods. “I'll, uh, see you around.”

Soonyoung lifts a hand to wave, but Jihoon turns quickly and speeds off toward his building. For the second time that night Jihoon misses the look Soonyoung gives him. Yet this time it's more amused confusion than hurt. Soonyoung shakes his head, turning in the direction of his own building and walking away much more casually than Jihoon.

Safely back in his apartment, Jihoon decides his best plan of action is ignore his emotions. He's gotten this far in life without emotions and he'll continue that way, thank you very much. Jihoon is an expert at ignoring how he feels. He's even gotten good at ignoring his body’s natural reactions(leading to Seungcheol force feeding him on occasion when he goes too long ignoring his stomach’s growling).

While he's at it, Jihoon realizes he's good at ignoring people too. Maybe he'll ignore Soonyoung. Yeah, that might be a good idea considering Jihoon’s feelings-wait. Feelings? No no no. Lee Jihoon does not have feelings. He doesn't even know what feelings are.

Rubbing at his temples, Jihoon decides this is a problem for tomorrow. When he's sober(hungover) and has pumped himself full of caffeine. He crawls into bed, pulling off his clothes as he curls up and immediately passes out.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this is unedited/read over so uhhh ignore any mistakes (:  
> Make sure to leave a kudos/comment  
> And as always I'm available for chattin' :  
> Twt: DeadInsideN0tes  
> IG: sunshine_hoshi


	3. Coffee Shop Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon’s never quite been in a situation like that. Sure, people once thought he was dating Seungcheol, but that was easily dismissed by them just being good friends. But Soonyoung? He's a total stranger he danced with drunkenly at a college party. That's different. And not as easily explained.

_Jihoon doesn't always dream visually. Sometimes he dreams in sounds. Like tonight, for example. As he sleeps, a voice whispers lullabies to him. It's a voice he's not entirely familiar with, but it's also not completely unknown, just new. It's pleasant. Jihoon can't quite understand what the voice is saying, but it reminds him of sunshowers and the way sun shines through leaves on trees._

  
Waking up the morning after the party is decidedly awful. His head is pounding, his mouth tastes tastes like sawdust and feels like it's full of cotton. He's hungry, but feels seconds away vomiting at the thought of food. He rolls around in bed for a while, groaning and contemplating his existence. Eventually, he managed to pull himself out bed, swaying on his feet when his vision goes spotty at the sudden change.

Jihoon manages to shower and get himself looking a little less zombie-like. A true feat for a hungover college student. He even feels a little more human, despite the slight ringing in his head. When he finally checks his phone, he finds a couple messages from last night. The first few come from Seungcheol and Joshua asking if he got back to his apartment safely. He ignores those for now. Another is from Wonwoo, expressing his surprise at seeing Jihoon last night and “complimenting” his dancing. The last is from Jeonghan.

**From Jeonghan:  
Hey. It was good seeing you last night. Wanna meet up for coffee? I was hoping you'd finally let me hear your songs now that you've handed them in.**

> **From Jihoon:  
>  You already heard most of them considering you did most of the vocals, but sure. As long as you're paying for the coffee.**

Jeonghan hadn't texted him too long ago, so he assumes they'll be meeting soon at their usual place. Jihoon checks himself the mirror one last time, grabbing a cap and sunglasses, before heading out.

Jihoon has known Jeonghan for a few years now. Jeonghan and Joshua, much like Jihoon and Seungcheol, are inseparable childhood friends. When Seungcheol and Joshua started dating years ago, it was only natural that the four of them all became friends. Despite having trouble warming up to people sometimes, Jihoon found himself easily befriending Jeonghan.

The other was easygoing and had a big heart. He might have a tendency to push his nose where it doesn't belong, but he knows when to back off. It's frustrating to Jihoon, who has come to have a love-hate relationship with how easily Jeonghan can read him. It's unnerving to be read like an open book, but it has also proved to be nice to have someone able to call him out on his bullshit and then be willing to talk to him about it without judgement. Jihoon would be too stubborn to otherwise open up to people. Jeonghan has always been all ears when Jihoon needs it, which isn't often.

As Jihoon approaches Serenity Café, he easily spots Jeonghan at the counter. The other waves at him, gesturing to find them a seat. Jihoon finds them a booth near the back, where it's quiet and his hangover doesn't feel as much like it's trying to make his brain implode. It's not long before Jeonghan joins him, placing their coffees down on the table.

“I was surprised you actually answered me so quickly,” Jeonghan dives right into conversation.

“Well, you gave me an offer I couldn't resist,” Jihoon responds, reaching for his coffee.

Jeonghan chuckles. They sit quietly for a while, waking up slowly with the help of caffeine. Again, Jeonghan is the first one to speak.

“So, last night was pretty interesting.”

Jihoon looks up from his drink. “I guess. I honestly don't remember much,” he shrugs.

Jeonghan hums, “you were pretty fucked up last night. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've seen you dance like that.” He holds up a hand, wiggling his fingers for emphasis.

The dancing. Jihoon definitely remembers that. He really doesn't dance often. Has no need to really. He's good at it, he knows that, but his expertise in making the music, not dancing to it.

“At least I didn't attempt a sexy dance like Cheol,” he shudders at the blurry memory of Seungcheol hip thrusting in Joshua’s- and by extension, his- direction.

“Maybe. But the way you and Soonyoung were dancing was really quite a sight to behold. I'm sure some of the other guys there would consider that sexy,” Jeonghan teases.

Usually, Jihoon would brush off comments like that. They don't usually bother him. Except, for some reason, he bristles at it.

“What are you talking about?” He snaps.

Jeonghan looks a bit taken aback by the response, but doesn't react to the outburst.

“I just mean that you and I both know it wasn't anything. And some of the others know it wasn't anything. But Soonyoung and his friends don't necessarily know that. All I'm saying is that, if I didn't know you, I wouldn't have been able to tell it was _just_ dancing,” Jeonghan explains.

Jihoon’s never quite been in a situation like that. Sure, people once thought he was dating Seungcheol, but that was easily dismissed by them just being good friends. But Soonyoung? He's a total stranger he danced with drunkenly at a college party. That's different. And not as easily explained.

Jeonghan continues. “Not to mention, you were both seen leaving together not too long after.”

Jihoon narrows his eyes at his friend from behind the sunglasses he still has not removed. “What are you suggesting?”

“I want to make sure nothing happened. I don't exactly know this Soonyoung guy well enough to trust him taking care of you when your drunk. Especially after that dare,” he holds his hands up in surrender.

Jihoon is almost touched that Jeonghan cares this much. But something about it is still bothering him.

“People saw us leaving together?” He questions instead of answering.

“Jihoon,” Jeonghan says pointedly.

“Fine, fine. Nothing happened. He didn't try anything. He's a nice guy. Yadda yadda yadda. Now tell me. People saw us leaving together?” Jihoon says impatiently.

“Uhhh, yeah…” Jeonghan says, clearly hiding something.

Jihoon takes his sunglasses off, leveling Jeonghan with a very bloodshot, glassy-eyed glare. It has the intended effect.

Jeonghan sighs. “Chan, the kid, said he saw Soonyoung leaving with you. A few of his and Minghao’s friends made some-uh- _suggestive_ comments.”

Jihoon flushes. “Oh.” The very idea makes him uncomfortable. What right do those people have to say such things about him?

“I'm sorry, Jihoonie.” Jeonghan only uses the nickname when Jihoon is visibly upset. Jihoon would never admit it, but it kind of helps.

“It's not your fault. There's nothing you could've done,” he waves his hand dismissively.

“So, can I ask you something?” Jeonghan says carefully.

Jihoon eyes him warily.

“Why _did_ you leave so suddenly?” He has a concerned expression, but Jihoon thinks he might hear a hint of accusation in his voice. It's a barely noticeable change in his voice that Jihoon has become an expert at detecting.

“I didn't feel good,” Jihoon says plainly.

“Okay...care to elaborate what made you feel not so good? Because we both know it wasn't the alcohol.”

_And there it is._

“I just…” Jihoon struggles to find the right words. “Soonyoung.” Jeonghan arches a brow at him. “I- I don't know. It's stupid.”

“No. No. It's not stupid, Jihoonie. Did dancing with him make you uncomfortable?”

“Not exactly? I mean, not at first. Then I realized how close we were and I don't know him well, so I shouldn't feel so comfortable around him. Except it didn't really bother mean. The fact that it didn't bother me, _bothered_ me. So I panicked.” Jihoon rushed his words.

Jeonghan just looks at him thoughtfully. “Do you think it's a crush?” He asks, not unkindly.

“I don't think so. I don't wanna like hold his hand or anything. I just… didn't mind him being in my space like that. Which is...weird. And I think he has a nice voice.” Jihoon doesn't know what possessed him to admit that last part, but at least he didn't let slip how he had actually seen the dancer before and had a mini meltdown over it.

“Maybe it's a friend crush,” Jeonghan says, matter-of-factly.

“A what?” Jihoon asks, utterly confused.

“A friend crush. Like, a crush. But platonic. You wanna be his friend,” he elaborates.

“That...makes sense,” for whatever reason, Jihoon agrees with his friend.

After that, Jihoon let's Jeonghan listen to the songs he had finally finished. They part ways soon after. Jihoon feels more settled after his conversation with Jeonghan. Soonyoung seems like he'd be an interesting friend. The problem is that Jihoon isn't really good at making friends. All of his current friendships sort of just happened one way or another. He had never needed to put much effort.

Jihoon goes to the place he thinks the best. ‘His’ studio. He spins around the rolly chair a few times before he is painfully reminded that he is still, in fact, hungover. He tries to think of a way to casually befriend Soonyoung. He wants it to be natural and he doesn't want to give the other the wrong idea. He's staring at the black computer screen when it hits him. He texts Minghao.

**From Jihoon:  
Yo. Could U send me Soonyoungs #?**

A few minutes later he gets a response.

**From Minghao:  
Sure  
[1 Shared Contact]**

He doesn't ask any questions. They aren't the closest, and Minghao doesn't like to pry into people's personal lives as much as his boyfriend does. Jihoon immediately adds the number to his contacts list.

**From Jihoon:  
hey. thanks for walking me home last night. would you be willing to do me one more favor?**

He hits send. He purposefully keeps everything lowercase because for some reason he thinks it makes him sound more casual. He quickly sends another text.

**From Jihoon:  
it’s jihoon, by the way.**

He throws his phone away from him, not expecting an answer for a while. He contemplates what exactly he'll do until the other does answer, but he doesn't have to do much thinking because his is buzzing with a new message only a minute later.

**From Soonyoung:  
Glad to hear from you. You were drunk last night. I was worried about leaving you alone. Haha. Anyway, about the favor what did you have in mind? (^o^)**

Jihoon smiles at his phone. There's no heart fluttering. No sweaty palms and no nervous breakdowns. Soonyoung is different from most of Jihoon’s friends, but maybe that's exactly why Jihoon feels so excited and nervous about attempting to befriend him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I feel the need to disclose that nothing for this story has been proofread. I apologize for all of the typos and trash writing. Also that this chapter is short, I apologize. I will be editing the entirety of this story upon its completion. Thank you for reading ♡
> 
> Maybe drop a kudos or a comment?
> 
> Twt: @DeadInsideN0tes


	4. Friends? Friends.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon -personally- believes his plan to be foolproof. If Soonyoung’s singing voice is as good as Jihoon suspects it to be, they’ll make plans to record the song, which means more time spent together and getting closer to being friends. It’ll give Jihoon a chance to work out his (platonic) feelings towards the other. On the flip side, if Soonyoung ends up sounding like a dying goat being hit by a tractor, they can easily spend the rest of their time doing something else that’ll (hopefully) lead to more interactions in the future.

Jihoon clues Soonyoung in on what the favor entails. At first he’s worried that the other will find the request strange, but Soonyoung’s enthusiasm eases his anxieties. They make a plan to meet up the following Thursday at Soonyoung’s apartment. Jihoon doesn’t think much of it. Having so much time until they meet allows him to prepare. 

 

Since they’re meeting at Soonyoung’s place, he can use his go-to emergency excuse to get out of uncomfortable situations if he needs to. This means he won’t have to worry about figuring out how to politely kick Soonyoung out of his studio or apartment without making things awkward. 

 

Jihoon’s plan to become friends with Soonyoung starts with the other helping him with a song. Jihoon told Soonyoung he had a song ready to be recorded, but didn’t have anyone to sing it. He told Soonyoung that, although he’d never heard him sing, he thinks he might have the right voice for the song. Their meetup next Thursday would include Soonyoung reading through the   
song and trying out his voice. 

 

Jihoon -personally- believes his plan to be foolproof. If Soonyoung’s singing voice is as good as Jihoon suspects it to be, they’ll make plans to record the song, which means more time spent together and getting closer to being friends. It’ll give Jihoon a chance to work out his (platonic) feelings towards the other. On the flip side, if Soonyoung ends up sounding like a dying goat being hit by a tractor, they can easily spend the rest of their time doing something else that’ll (hopefully) lead to more interactions in the future. 

 

The only problem with this plan is that Jihoon doesn’t technically have a song that he needs someone to sing. That was a complete lie on his part, one he’ll never admit to, of course. He has a week though, so he’s not worried. And so, until their Thursday meeting, Jihoon spends all of his freetime in the studio.

 

He’s inspired by himself, in a way. Jihoon knows he isn’t the friendliest or most sociable person, so he’s quite proud of himself for stepping outside of his comfort zone in attempt to befriend Soonyoung. Thus, Jihoon wants this song to be something outside of his comfort zone. He wants to push himself to create something that pushes his own limits. Maybe not in the way the song sounds, per say, but in the meaning, in the lyrics. He’s excited by the idea, especially since this song is not being handed in for any grade and no one else has to hear it if he doesn’t want them to(except Soonyoung, obviously). If it ends up being completely ridiculous or awful, it’s no skin off his back. 

 

Seungcheol stops by his studio a few times to annoy him when he’s ‘sooo bored because Shua’s busy.’ Jihoon tolerates his antics, but draws the line at letting Seungcheol hear what he has so far. Joshua checks in with him a few times when he can; he brings him water and reminds him to eat. Jeonghan texts him at one point, baiting Jihoon by asking him if he’s being a chicken. Jihoon -as always- falls for it and tells him the entire plan, except the part about there being no pre-existing song. Jeonghan seems suspicious, but luckily, for once, does not push him. 

 

When Thursday rolls around Jihoon prepares himself to meet with Soonyoung. All in all, he’s pleasantly surprised by the song he managed to create. He isn’t sure what kind of reaction it’ll get; it’s definitely unlike anything he’s ever made before. Jihoon isn’t even sure if it makes sense, but he’s gonna go with his gut. 

 

He showers, using a body soap that smells faintly floral and throws on jeans with a plain T-shirt. He doesn’t want to seem like he’s trying to hard to impress the other, but he certainly doesn’t want to make a bad second impression. He won’t deny that he’s excited, although whether the excitement is from the song or Soonyoung, Jihoon isn’t really sure.Jihoon arrives at Soonyoung’s right on time. A bag with his laptop and notebook slung across his chest. 

 

“Hey Jihoon!” 

 

The door swings open, revealing a smiling Soonyoung. Jihoon finds himself smiling back instinctively. 

 

“Hey,” he greets back, following the other inside. 

 

“My roommates are out today, so we have the apartment to ourselves. Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee? Tea?” Soonyoung chatters. 

 

“I’m okay. Thanks, though.” Jihoon nods at the expectant look on Soonyoung’s waiting face. 

 

“Cool. We can just sit in here,” Soonyoung leads him into a small living area with a couch, coffee   
table, and television set. 

 

They sit down and Jihoon gets to work pulling stuff out of his bag. 

 

“Oooh you really came prepared,” Soonyoung peeks over at everything Jihoon takes out. 

 

“Yeah,” Jihoon laughs nervously. 

 

“So how does this work? Should I like, sing a scale or something?” Soonyoung questions him, sounding, for the first time Jihoon’s ever heard, timid. 

 

“Have you had any dairy in the past 24 hours?” Jihoon asks. He’s so used to asking that or thinking about it that it doesn’t seem like a strange question until he looks at Soonyoung’s puzzled face. “Dairy causes excess mucus, which may   
affect singing,” he explains. 

 

“Oh. Uhhh no, I haven’t had any dairy. I’m actually lactose intolerant,” Soonyoung informs him. 

 

“Okay that helps. So here’s the lyrics,” Jihoon flips open his notebook, holding it out to the other, “you can read them through and let me know if you’re even interested in singing it.” 

 

Soonyoung takes the offered notebook, a curiosity in his gaze that makes Jihoon feel self-conscious. Jihoon watches as the other reads through the lines, his mouth moving silently, feeling the words without fully sounding them out. It’s an oddly fascinating scene that Jihoon can’t help but watch intently. Jihoon would be lying if he said he wasn’t sweating a bit right now. These lyrics are definitely on a topic he has zero knowledge of and if it’s apparent in the song then Soonyoung might end up laughing at him. 

 

Except when Soonyoung’s mouth finally stops moving, he doesn’t laugh at Jihoon. He whistles. “Damn, Jihoon. That’s intense,” he looks up at Jihoon with one corner of his mouth twisted up. 

 

“Does that mean you like it?” Jihoon avoids commenting on what Soonyoung said. 

 

“Like it? It’s like this song was written for me!” Soonyoung’s beaming now. A bright smile so big it makes his eyes almost disappear. 

 

Jihoon can’t help but snort at him. “Okay Casanova, let's not get carried away.” He would never admit that Soonyoung is -at least a little- correct. “So we can start with me singing a few lines so you can hear how it should sound and   
then you can try.” 

 

Soonyoung nods intently, waiting for Jihoon to start. 

 

“Come closer to me  
A little bit more to me  
You can come closer  
I know you want  
This moment is only permitted to you  
I know you want  
I know you want”

 

Jihoon sings the words, trying to accurately convey the meaning behind them. He’s inexperienced with emotions and desires such as those expressed by the song, but he knows how to fake it when it comes to performing. Soonyoung listens with rapt attention, and Jihoon can’t even bring himself to look directly at the other. It feels too intimate and kind of makes Jihoon feel like   
crawling out of his skin. 

 

It’s quiet for a while after he finishes. “Your turn.” Jihoon finally manages to look Soonyoung in the eye. He finds a glint in the other’s eyes that looks a lot like excitement (not the sexual kind, get your head out of the gutter). 

 

Soonyoung reads the lyrics while he sings, attempting to follow Jihoon’s lead in his inflection. Jihoon was right. Soonyoung’s voice was perfect for this. It has just the right flow. It’s deep and rumble-y while maintaining a certain smoothness. Jihoon wouldn’t even think the other singing, it seems so natural for the other to be almost whispering words such as these. 

 

Soonyoung finishes the part Jihoon sang for him. “How was I?” 

“A lot better than I expected, actually. Do you have any experience singing?” Jihoon questions honestly. 

“Nope,” he smiles at Jihoon, seeming pleased with the commentary. “So do you want me?” 

With how suggestive the lyrics are, Jihoon almost doesn’t understand what Soonyoung is asking him at first; it flusters him. “What? Oh, I mean, yeah if you’re free to do it that’d be great. I think your voice really matches this style well.” 

“Awesome! I spend most of my time in the dance studio, but I can definitely work in some time recording with you. Just let me know when you need me,” Soonyoung explains. 

“Okay. I’m free all tomorrow afternoon and this weekend. This song shouldn’t take too long since I already have everything except the vocals. If you wanna hear it right now I can play it for you with my voice as a sample. And if you’d be willing to practice a bit before we meet next, we might be able to do it in one session. How does that sound?” Jihoon goes into producer mode as he opens up the file on his laptop. 

“Sounds good to me. You’re very professional,” Soonyoung chuckles. 

“Gotta be,” Jihoon counters offhandedly. 

“Hope that doesn’t mean you’re just using me for my voice,” Soonyoung says. He sounds like he’s laughing a bit, but Jihoon thinks he might be serious. 

“What do you mean?” Jihoon asks, turning to look at Soonyoung with his head tilted. 

“You seem really cool, Jihoon,” Soonyoung says, his ears turning a bit red. “I want us to be friends. I don’t want to only see you for recording this one song and then never see you again.” 

“Oh…”Jihoon says, a bit shocked at the confession. “Me too,” he responds dumbly. “I mean, I want us to be friends too.” 

Soonyoung’s face splits into a grin. “Good. Now that that’s settled, let’s hear the song.”

Jihoon hits play. His voice soon echoes through the small room. He’s already familiar and confident with how it sounds, so he just sits back and listens, occasionally trying to gauge Soonyoung’s reaction.   
He gets a raised eyebrow at one repetition of lines, but other than that it seems like Soonyoung is really enjoying it. 

“Well, shit. That sounds awesome. I can’t wait to sing it.” Soonyoung basically vibrates in his seat. “What made you write a song like that?” Soonyoung looks at him a bit teasingly, and Jihoon feels his face burning. 

“I don’t know,” he answers honestly, but he can tell Soonyoung isn’t buying it. 

Thankfully, Soonyoung doesn’t push the subject. Instead, Jihoon sends him a copy of the file so he can practice. They agree to meet at the recording studio Friday at 3. Jihoon is packing his things away and ready to leave again, but Soonyoung has a different idea. 

“Do you want to eat dinner with me? We can go get pizza or burgers or something? I’ll pay,” he offers Jihoon. 

Jihoon doesn’t even officially agree, just scoffs at the offer and says, “if anyone’s paying, it’s me. You’re already helping me.” 

That’s how the two of them end up squished in a booth at a pizzeria within walking distance of where both of them live. They share a pitcher of beer and between the two of them finish three whole pizzas, which- to be fair -were all smaller-than-average pizzas. 

Neither of them gets drunk, not by a long shot and definitely nowhere near as drunk as they were the other night at the party. However, they do get more comfortable with each other. Laughing and sharing stories of the dumb shit they’ve done with their friends. They both explain their connections to Jun and how they ended up at his house the other night. 

Jihoon does not have any feelings towards Soonyoung that aren’t completely platonic. Jihoon can almost feel his body melting in relief. Jihoon knows Soonyoung is objectively a gorgeous human being, but he doesn’t have to want to jump on the guys dick to know that. 

They walk together after leaving the pizzeria. Jihoon has a sense of deja vu as he listens to Soonyoung rambling animatedly. Jihoon has no idea what the other is talking about, but laughs anyway because it seems funny and because Soonyoung looks funny while explaining it. They part ways soon enough with a final confirmation of their meetup tomorrow. 

When Jihoon is back in the solitude of his own room, he lets a broad smile cross his face. He might have a new friend; one he made all on his own. He feels warm inside. He thinks he might even feel butterflies, or indigestion. Soonyoung is perfect, so far. He talks a lot, which balances Jihoon’s quieter, slightly awkward disposition. There’s no uncomfortable silences or lack of conversation with Soonyoung. They both have a complementary appreciation for music: one for its composition and lyrics and another for the rhythms and beats that match movement. Jihoon really hopes this friendship works out. He really really wants it to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is not proofread, like, at all so haha sorry bout that. But anyway, what do y’all think of this chapter? I know it’s a bit slow and not much happens but it’s kind of needed for anything else to happen. So yeah :) leave me a comment or kudos ;)
> 
> Twt: DeadInsideN0tes

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this pretty quickly and didnt do any editing so sorry if there's a ton of mistakes/typos. Also, I know this story is a bit cliche and the trope is overdone but I'm a sucker for soonhoon college aus and grumpy Jihoon.  
> Ps. I'm trying to do right with the whole sexual orientation confusion thing, but nobody's perfect. Please please please let me know if there's any major mistakes or misconceptions. My aim is NOT to offend or misinterpret. I want to get this right. (Slight spoiler: Jihoon isn't asexual or aromantic so don't come after me saying that I'm misrepresenting asexuality by having the whole 'you just haven't met the right one' thing because trying hard to avoid that. Jihoon-like most nonheterosexual people- is just unsure and exploring where he lies on the spectrum, which he will eventually come to understand lies more along the lines of demisexuality(which very much exists & deserves to be more recognized/acknowledged)  
> ANYWAY THANKS FOR READING :)  
> Hmu:  
> Twt: DeadInsideN0tes  
> IG: sunshine_hoshi


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